People.

What. Is wrong with people, nowadays?

Actually, no. What is wrong with people, full stop. I say nowadays, but I'm pretty sure there have always been people like the people I am about to describe. But why are there so MANY of these types??

I'm pretty pissed off today. Hence writing. Having not written for so long.

1) People who don't respect you.
So was on ICU yesterday with a fellow student. We did the WR and I managed to follow a really really nice ST round. She taught me some stuff, was making me think on the spot, and really working my brain, in a Serena-type way = excellent. She then had me go review one of the patients, examine and all that, then write in the notes. It was brilliant. We were then going to try and do an ABG after lunch. After lunch, they decided the patient actually needed an arterial line, so there'd be no point doing an blood gas from his wrist (ABG).

After WR, me and my fellow student were discussing what theatre lists we wanted to go see tomorrow. So I named 2 of the lists I wanted to go to (one of them being the list my lovely ST was going to be doing). And he decided which ones he wanted to go to. Ok? Fine.

Before I left ICU (to go do other stuff), I thanked my lovely ST and said, "I'll come to theatre with you tomorrow anyway, so I'll see you tomorrow." She happily said ok, and said she'd be glad to get some company.

So away I went.

This morning, I got changed and was waiting in the anaesthetic room of said list at 8.55am. So the ST walks in and is all like, "Ooh, hello, are you alright there?" Then says, "Oh, that other guy's here too, he came and saw the patients with me earlier..." In walks fellow ICU student, "I'm not sure if there'll be too many people in here if we have both of you, coz Dr Consultant Anaes is in here too."

Right.

Way to go.

Thanks.

Not that I didn't say to you yesterday that I wanted to do a list with the ST, but you also said that you wanted to do other stuff with other consultants. And just because I had to leave ICU a bit earlier than you, you decide to ignore what we had agreed on, and arrange to meet with the ST before theatre so YOU get to go in theatre with her.

Thanks.

No. Really.

Thanks.

What IS it with people and not respecting what they've said and agreed to with other people? What is WITH THAT???

2) People who butt in and think they are in charge.
As some of you know, I am attempting to set up this Medics' Orchestra thing with a couple people I went to Band Camp with in the Summer. And it's all going swimmingly (not), but here's what happened when the conductor (who is a friend of one of the guys I went to band camp with) turned up at our meeting yesterday.

We got all excited when he *finally* turned up (having missed out committee dinner meeting, which we TOLD him about, and arranged AROUND him) at our Freshers' Week Meeting yesterday. So we were like, "Yay, and here's our conductor." And he made a face, and was a bit like, "What the hell."

So after we'd finished talking to the masses, I was chatting with him, and he basically *had a go* at me for:-
a) arranging to have a rehearsal next week- "I didn't even know what pieces we were going to be playing, I need time to STUDY the pieces before I stand up there with a stick in my hand," And who's fault is that?
b) holding a meeting with everyone who expressed an interest because not all of them will be able to play (because we have about 10 flutes, and we need 3; we have about 13 clarinets, and we need 3), and
c) being *ignorant* and thinking that £40 /hr for rehearsal space is expensive (oh yeah, £40 /hr is really cheap when we have NO MONEY).

And then TODAY, we got word from the guy who is friends with this conductor guy (because THEY had a meeting..), which went a bit like this, "We both agree that tuesday night is too little notice to hold auditions but he thinks we should have a committee meeting in the common room at that time. He doesnt want us to do anything until after the meeting unless we get some funding. He also said specify amounts - we don't need more than about £500 and if we get a fiver off everyone involved then that would be brilliant to top up finances unless MedSoc/Union will give us finances."

Excuse me. He doesn't WANT US to do anything until after the meeting? Who. The. HELL. Does you think you are? You are NOT IN CHARGE of this orchestra. We have *invited you* to come and conduct us. But it is not YOUR orchestra. You're not even a fucking MEDIC. You are free to SUGGEST things. But you cannot WANT or NOT WANT.

Fuck.

The hell.

Off.

I knew I wouldn't like him. I understand that he, being a music student, might know a bit more about running an orchestra than us medics, BUT.. He could stop being so bloody high-horsed about it. Give a shit if you're a music student. Give. A. Shit. I'm keen to tell him to fuck off, but that would put other people in difficult positions. So, the most probable action plan now, is that I say, "Fuck it. I'm out."

I do not have the TIME. Or the ENERGY to deal with people. I have other, much, much, MUCH more important things to worry about. Right. I really really REALLY had to get that off my chest. I am just BURNING with anger. ARG. But that's it. Done. Off to do some revision now.

Late Nights at the Office

Hmm. I'm at the office. Late. Attempting to finish my discussion before tomorrow morning, when I have a meet with el supervisor (who after 5 weeks of yeah-your-introduction-is-fine-because-it-was-fine-when-I-read-it-8-weeks-ago-when-you-were-writing-it-for-the-other-project-we-had-to-abandon, writes, "Need a *brief* section on lung function," followed by about 20 bullet points, ARG, GAY, GO AWAY).

I is minimally impressed.

A lot of the lung func stuff is in my method though.. I wonder what he'll say if I ask him whether I still need it. My guess? "No, you need to write about it in your introduction too."

ARG.

I should probably go home.......

Stats of Death.

ARG. STATS. WTF. I don't understand. ARG. *WAAAAAAAAAHHHH* ME NO LIKEY.

*throws a strop*

WHY did I not do S1? Why instead, did I do D1, which was a load of bollocks?

Oh. Yeah, I'm doing a project at the mo, which involves collecting data, then trying to make sense out of it. The collecting stage is complete, but the making sense out of it is FAR from being complete. In fact, I'd go as far as to say that it might NEVER BECOME COMPLETED. ARG. STROP.

Anyone fancy giving me a whistle-stop tutorial on the following:-
i) Normal distribution and why the hell it matters.
ii) Null hypotheses and alternative hypotheses.
iii) Two-paired/ one-paired tests and critical ranges.
iv) Pearson correlation coefficient moment product.. key microsoft other random words..
v) Mann-Whitney U test.
vi) Stats in general.
vii) Stats in general.
viii) Stats in general.
ix) Stats in general.
x) Stats in general.
xi) Stats in general.
xii) Stats in general.
xiii) Stats in general
xiv) Stats in general.
xv) Stats in general.
xvi) Stats in general.
xvii) Stats in general.

Whywhywhywhy WHY did I not do S1 at A-level when I had loooooooads of time to attempt to make sense of it all? And when I had an ACE Maths teach who could've helped?????? WHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY??????????

*WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH*

*strops some more*

Reflective Analysis.

So I passed my OSCE. Yay.

But I was (quite irrationally) VERY upset. ?Because I felt disappointed.

I had a bit of me-time today, thought about it, and this is what I came up with:-
- I may not have worked as hard as I could have done.
- Being emotionally stressed and feeling depressed is not an excuse.
- I probably got the mark I deserved.
- I can still work harder. You can always work harder. And I CAN do better.

I WILL PASS FINALS/ THE EXEMPTION EXAMS IN JANUARY.

OhmyGod, Headwind.

I cycled in to work today. (Can I have a woop woop?) 6 miles, there and back?

Easy peasy on the way in, but ohmyGod. HEADWIND on the way back!! It was HORRENDOUS. I had to pedal twice as hard!! But. I beat the bus, mwahahaha. FACT.

Gayfolio. Done.

Wow. I'm all refelcted out. Or *mirrored out*, if you will. I've even done a piece on "the future".

Still a few things I would like to have done, but haven't. Meh.

Oh, and in free-Metro paper t'other day- "I went to see my GP coz I thought I had swine-flu and he prescribed me some oinkment." I may or may not have snorted a little..

Dudes. BED.

Bits

Ok, so HELLO. It's been an actual long time this time, hey?

On SSC at the mo- Pathology. It's not as hot as I thought it would be. But hey, I played with an electron microscope today, which was actually PRETTY HOT. The consultant was all talkin' about physics, and I was all like, "WOAH- it all sounds so familiar, but it's buried away somewhere, in the depths of my brain.. Maybe?" It was COOOL. Saw all the mitochondria, and the golgi etc. Dudes, amazing. BUT, path is a bit meh, though I've managed to find an interesting case- cervical Ca, HPV, YAY!!

LOL and the other day, I got motion-sickness from staring down a light microscope for a bit too long (only an hour and a half..) It was one of them share-microscopey microscopes, and the consultant operating it was whizzing up and down, and up and down, just a teeny bit too fast. I haven't felt sp nauseated in an age.

Post-mortems are fun. Saw a few interesting cases- one guy, a professor who used to work at the Rutherford Building, died from pancreatic cancer and was ?radiation exposure pancreatic cancer, because his collegue, who'd also worked at the Rutherford, also died a couple months ago from pancreatic cancer. But we're not *allowed* to write up on PM cases. BOO.

Other bits- Exams were ok. I think? I hate trying to guess how I've done, coz OSCEs are WEIRD, and on top of that, they were *actually* weird- lots of talky talky and minimal hands-on, despite, "This will DEFINITELY come up, so you HAVE TO KNOW HOW TO DO IT." I practised, and I knew how to do it, but it didn't come up. Meh. And results aren't out till forever. Gay.

Easter was ace. I went to up to DOLLAR SCOTLAND. Bobbed up to Stirling and St Andrews, and also bobbed down to Edinburgh. Roadtripped down to Londonium and saw some of the crazy kr3w kids, and saw an AMAZING quartet in Covent Gardens. Attempted to drive Hampstead Heath to Hatton Cross (nr Heathrow) in the GoogleMaps-estimated-journey-duration. EPIC FAIL. 48 minutes? It took us 2 hrs and 30 minutes. At least. Roadtripped up to Essex for unt 21st. We did various things- attempted to teach/ learn how to dance, next to a fire, to a live band, next to a barn; camped in a lush field; more attempting-to-learn-to-dance in the barn; drove a tractor; broke a tree house, heehe, oops.

And last weekend was the man's birthday, so we did a bit of surprise steam-training and picnicking with some friends. It was all fun and games! And this week (Friday), I have gayfolio review, so I am busy reflecting etc. And that's me all up-to-date! Apologies, I'll try not to leave it so long again.

Though- SWINE-FLU. Pandemic. OMGZ.